i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
