When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
