Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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