There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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