In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a hot homeless man
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
