Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
