rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
