i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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