Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
