I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
