update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
