We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
