conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
