Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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