I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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