I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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