No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
