I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You were trust falling into bushes
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
