Kiss
Puke
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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