How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
