Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
