I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
