did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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