You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
