Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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