He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
