Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
