thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
