you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
