Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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