I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
