i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't deserve a penis
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
