Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
