wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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