It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
