He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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