WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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