remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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