It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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