Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
