You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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