I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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