member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
