How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
