We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
