that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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