One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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