i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
