Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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