I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
