She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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