2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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