is your mom at the bar?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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