I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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