I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And then he peed in my hair
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