Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
