We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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