I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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