i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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