you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
