her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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