We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize