Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
