whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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