he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
