Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
