I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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