He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
