so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
