How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
