whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
