I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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