Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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