Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
