I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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