Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
