Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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