Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
