Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
