Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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