not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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