He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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