you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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