i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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