I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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